Election Season is Nothing More Than One Long Insult to the Average Rational-Minded American

Have you ever noticed how idiot sound waves increase exponentially during an election season? It's almost as though every four years some secret band of alien overlords whip out their independent-thought disintegration beams and fry this entire continent until we're nothing but a pack of ass-picking slogan repeaters and jargon jack-offers.

"Hillary has experience!"

"Obama will bring change!"

"McCain is a true American hero!"

It's a wonder to behold, this cascading into a style of little dumbness typically only found on playgrounds used by first graders. Bush himself perfected the art of using silly and stupid phrases in his effort to sell the broader War on Terror. Remember "the evildoers?" The "axis of evil." Does evil really only exist in the confines of Iran, Iraq, and North Korea? Somehow I think evil is crafty enough to slip through and exist pretty much wherever it feels like it. It's not like our borders our secure enough to stop it from seeping through anyway. Hell, our borders aren't secure enough to stop Mexican adolescents from slipping in so they can get an early start on the lawns of America.

And speaking of slippery, it's not only the American citizen who buys into all the hot air during an election season, it's the politicians. Drunk on the fornication of their own outlandish promises, they gallop through the countryside like Apocalypse Horsemen, selling every conceivable cure to our real but mostly imagined woes. And how they promise with their silver tongues:

-Universal health care to all Americans. A chicken in every pot and a flu shot in every shoulder.

-$5000 to every couple for every newborn they bring into this world. How long till the premier of 'Pimp My Crib,' when recently impregnated couples must choose between the diamond studded rattler or the gold plated stroller with the spinners?

-Induction into post-racially-divided America. Like induction into the NFL Hall of Fame, except without all the beefy Ohioans and cheesy press conferences.

-Change. Let's get this straight. Presidents DO NOT bring change. They react to change that occurs at the molecular level of society, and behave in a politically expedient matter that ensures their survival through the next election. Roosevelt did not cause the Great Depression. He reacted to it with a series of temporary, albeit stupid quick fixes. Reagan did not rebuild this country economically. He allowed for the proliferation of various factors inherent in the American framework dependent mostly on technological developments and stock market fluctuations. The buck stops at the office of the President. It doesn't begin there. Whatever "change" is going on in the country, the president is usually the last person to get the message.

Dictators bring change. Kings bring change. Emperors bring change. Because they have absolute power in a system that looks to them as the ultimate lever of control. The president is a small agent overall in the U.S. system among many, many other agents each interacting with one another like gears. Sure, the president might be the largest gear rotating, but he's also the slowest.

-An end to the Iraq War. Firstly, this IS a great idea and if it were possible to wave a wand and make it so I'd applaud that, but it's downright insulting to suggest that it can happen by the end of this decade. Ending a war takes time. Wars do not start and end with all the naive bravado found in a Michael Bay movie. Th Iraq War will end on its own terms, when it simply becomes too unbearable and too costly to continue.

Promises, promises, promises. One long insult to anyone with a brain.